Life is full of surprises. No surprise there. It doesn't take long to realize the fact that not all surprises are pleasant. Actually, pleasant surprises are the only real surprises in my opinion, the rest are pretty expected - just missing some details.

I believe in tackling surprises as life lessons; you live and you learn, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger etc... But, when is it time where surprises are trying to tell you to fucking change your life habits and direction and not just playing Boo! with you? When is it ok to label something a sign?

Do multiple failed attempts at something count? Do unexpected repeated failures due to external factors count? What differentiates a determined individual who will stand up and never give up from an insecure individual not willing to accept they're not cut out for something but too afraid to give up? What draws the line between the cowardly and courageous?
Are we all just waiting for luck to put everything into place in our subconscious heads? I know I live my life going down a steep river flow trying to navigate around the rocks and fallen logs and looking of new ways to control my speed and maximize the frequency of stopping at different rocks meeting other river transports and dwellers and having a good time before it's time to resuming flowing down again.

I try to learn from my hindrances in life. No matter how much I try though, It always hurts At least for a little while. But it's always easier to take my own pain because i know I'll be able to whether it. Its never easy to watch someone you love go through even half of what you've already been through. "Why" is the only thought that goes through my mind. Why couldn't I prevent this? No matter how much a person reading this externally tells me "you can't stop people from making mistakes or going through problems, we all get our fair share of em", I cannot help but feel worried as shit. But most importantly, how does one prevent any damage that your loved one will incur surviving this storm? How could one just watch your little ones get scarred and traumatized and do nothing about it? They tell you they wanna get through this on their own. They wanna grow. What draws the line between giving them space to learn from their mistakes and not giving a shit about them?

All I know now is that people who love each other unconditionally are never an I, they're always a We, no matter how much we all deny it. It's a collective system, we're like a solar system.

This vent reminds me of the relevancy of the family/social psychological model in treating patients. My phone's battery is dying though so maybe a discussion in another post.